Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Humor, Crack
Timeline: AU, seeing as Hughes is alive.
Note: Written in Associated Press style, from my days in Journalism class. There might be slight stylistic errors, as it's been a long time since I've used it. This is just crack, though. Pure crack.
Crossposed to fm_alchemist and inuyashanohime
Miniskirt Law and “You First” Clause Cause Controversy All Over Central
By MAES HUGHES
AP STAFF WRITER
CENTRAL (AP)—Women love him. Men want to be him. Husbands want to shoot him. It is no wonder that President Roy Mustang has been active in the public spotlight as of late, but with his proposed law coming to fruition Sunday Morning, women in the military might have to rethink their opinions on a more personal level.
This law, which is known to feminists as the “Miniskirt Law”, proposes that all female military employees are to forego wearing any sort of pants in favor of tiny skirts—how small, however, has yet to be announced. Normally, the Dress Code was determined and formalized by the Military’s Dress and Conduct board, but with Mustang’s Law set in motion, all women could be forced to wear the new uniform as soon as next month.
“This is an insult to all women,” says Miranda Harris, head of the Feminist Lobby Group (FLG), based in Central. “The fact that such a Law could pass is an insult to our Democracy…and everything that we fought for.”
Various women’s groups had instituted rallies in retaliation to the new law, going as far as to burn miniskirts in broad daylight, holding up signs saying “More Skin, Less Rights” as they stood in front of major institutions. No riots have broken out, but there was an incident where an elderly woman shook her cane at a few protesters for blocking the road. One of these rallies, however, was attended by President Mustang’s rival for the Presidency last fall, Edward Elric (M, Resembool). Standing on the podium in front of many angry women and husbands, he, too, stated his opinions on the new law, which led to a then scathing review of the President himself.
Unfortunately, all of this was too obscene to comment.
Elric, with the help of the FLG and the Husbands Against Mustang Coalition, has decided to propose an addendum to the new Law, which will be debated on the Congress Floor on Sunday. According to this Addendum, which is also known as the “You first” clause, states that in order for the miniskirt law to take effect, all superior officers wishing to enforce this law must, for the first day, participate in the new dress code for themselves, regardless of gender.
Mustang supporters see this as a direct attack by Elric, and other women’s activist groups see this as nothing more than a chance to “get back at” Mustang, with “no real interest in the truth of the matter, only his ego.” Elric backers have vehemently denied this, though there have been several in the Elric camp who have expressed their doubts in the real legitimacy of this beyond that which could be a “Childish snub in the face of his once-rival”.
However, Riza Hawkeye, Mustang’s personal Aide, who has also joined Elric on his micro-campaign, has personal doubts on the issue.
“This is simply about letting the man see reason.” She said calmly, backed by five or six protesters in full winter dress. “He’d suggested that he would do this years ago, but I didn’t think that he would, in fact, try to go through with it.”
Nobody knows if this “Miniskirt Law”, Elric’s proposed “You First” clause, and the hype and publicity behind both is just a simple diversion in the heart of these peaceful and almost uneventful times, but regardless of why and how, it is certain that the battle between Elric and Mustang is still far from over.