Jennifer Darknight (inuyashanohime) wrote in jen_fics,
Jennifer Darknight

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Fic: Noa x Al, Onesided Noa x Alfons, Ed x Alfons; "You are Not Here"

Title: You are not Here
Pairing:  Al x Noa, Onesided Noa x Alfons, Ed x Alfons
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst. Angst and fluff. How I combine these, I don’t know. XD;;
Warnings: Extreme angst, Emo!Noa, Drama!Noa…takes place in an alternate end to the movie…and the EdxHei hits you in the face like a brick.
Note: Written to Kiribayashi Minami’s “Anata ga Inai (You’re not here)” Also inspired by a scene off of the Ultra-dramatic Anime/H-Game, “School Days”
Summary: She was where she wanted to be, but he wasn’t there standing next to her. Instead he spun round and round the fire, dancing horribly but freely, and for the first time in his life, feeling happy…the other man’s hand in his. 

Crossposted to: everywhere. Sorry flists XD;;

            The fire would always flicker, even in the dying embers of the evening light…even when night would fall over everything, when the night sky would reflect the soft glow and make everything almost explode in color of reds and oranges and even whites. Even in this cold night, amongst the newly-reconstructed areas of ruin, the faces that had once frowned, now up and smiling…the skin that shivered the most was warmed by the flames’ soothing light.
            This was her idea…this dance. The bonfire, the music…it was surprisingly easy to find her music here, in this world that was nothing, and yet everything like her own. Her music. The tambourines, the drums, bells and triangles…Even the lilting rhymes and cheery yet bewitchingly dark lyrics. She had once thought that this world would be something completely different from her own. She had lied, cheated, even betrayed a dear friend to get here…and somehow she couldn’t help but feel a little cheated.
            She was where she wanted to be, but he wasn’t there standing next to her.
            He had always been there before, though. He had taken her in. He had trusted her. He hadn’t looked at her with contempt, even though the rest of his world had, and with a vengeance. He had even thought to care about her.
            Care, but not like he cared for him.
            Trust, but not like he trusted him.
            Taken her in, but not with the tenderness that he had with him.
            It was always him. Always always.
           She had to admit, she was taken in by him at first, too. The golden hair, the golden eyes…short, yet muscular stature, and a mouth that ran away from him more often than not. A warm heart…born in another world…What man, let alone woman, wouldn’t feel themselves carried away by the romance behind that man? Or even the idea of being from a world that wasn’t theirs, and even the mere inkling that they could get carried away with him…to that place that was forever and a day away from the cruelty and pain that existed in their own mundane realities? It was silly to think that anyone could fall away from that spell.
            But that was just it…
            A spell.
            Roma had always been warned about witches and wizards…folk who could bewitch you with a few words and a smile…
            “Stay away from those who use the Magickal arts,” her mother had once said, so long ago. “Get caught in their trap, and you’ll never escape.”
            Edward Elric was the worst kind of Wizard.
            The Wizard whose power was not fueled by hate…charm not burned by cruelty…
            But who was fueled by tenacity, good intentions, and for him…love.
            But what did that make Alfons Heiderich? The man with the warm smiles, large hands, soft voice…
            The only one who seemed to care about her?
            …Who knew, really. She hadn’t spoken to him much even before the surgery…when he was admitted into the strange hospital with the tubes, machines, and odd contraptions that made her head become dizzy.
            …It was only a short amount of time after that. He had come to this world and it almost seemed instantaneous that he was admitted into a hospital, and emergency action was taken. Strange sorts of doctors used their odd arts on him, and ushered her out…whilst Edward stayed, even assisting in the procedure.
            Then, like a fairy tale, he had recovered months later…almost to full health, even.
            “Edward…you made it.”
            She didn’t even know she had whispered the words until she heard the sound of the last word uttered, trembling against her already trembling lips.
            “Edward…you made it. Are we…?”
            It was almost a sin for Edward to look at him like that. For Edward Elric, man who had everything, to look at Alfons Heiderich with that soft, adoring expression like he was the only man in the world. He had grasped his hands (The blonde girl, Winry, must have gasped somewhere in the room, but Noa didn’t hear), clenching them tight.
            “We’re in my world now. You’re going to be okay…the doctors already took care of you.”
            Yes. Of course he was cured. Why else would he have his eyes open, and why else would he be lying there in a hospital bed, with the sunlight streaming through the window, making his hair and eyes almost glow? Why else would they all be dancing like this, around the fire, music playing?
            It was a celebration for the rebirth of Central…but it was mostly for him.
            But he was not there next to her. Instead he spun round and round the fire, dancing horribly but freely, and for the first time in his life, feeling happy…the other man’s hand in his.
            Was she supposed to feel jealous? Angry? Should she feel empty? Was it wrong to want to feel that warmth that she had sought, but was taken away in favor of someone else…one who could have anyone and anything he ever wanted, but had to take away the one thing that was supposed to be hers?
            Equivalent Exchange.
            In exchange for his happiness, her leaving her old world in favor of this…she had to suffer and lose the one thing she had ever wanted.
            It was all his fault.
            And yet she couldn’t bring herself to truly hate Edward for what he had done.
            Alphonse Elric—the younger brother. So much like Alfons, but nothing like at him at all…same face. Same voice…but with the body of a sprite and not one of an Angel…the patience of a simmering flame, and not one of a Saint. He would often look at her from the other side of rooms, only to turn away with flushed cheeks and shining eyes. He would look, but she would never notice…instead watching the blue-eyed one speaking to Alphonse’s brother in the corner.
            It was always strange how even when she never said anything…he would still try so hard to talk to her.
            “Oh, hello Alphonse.”
            It hurt to smile at him. Much less speak to him.
            He looked so much like him, but it made her realize even more that she wouldn’t get the one she truly wanted…no matter how she had prayed and wished and dreamed for it…
            It hurt even worse to see him smile and blush like that.
            Hadn’t she wanted Alfons to…?
            “Aren’t…ah…y-you going to dance?”
            No. I don’t want to.
            Her face was starting to hurt from the smiling. “I will in a while, Alphonse…”
            “A-ah…w-well…” He was twiddling his fingers together. “I-I was wondering…if…you know…”
            “If you and I could…dance together? Brother’s dancing with Alfons…and Brother doesn’t even like to dance…so…I thought…well…we could…”
            I can’t, Alphonse. I’m sorry. I can’t possibly do that to you. You’re not the one I want…
            “Of course.”
            …But he’s not here. You’re the only one who is.
            His eyes were sparkling so much. It was a crime to see him do it. To just watch her like that while she was helpless to do anything…
            And yet she did nothing but scoot closer to him.
            “Th-they look happy out there.”
            Al could only smile more. “Brother and Alfons. I think this is the first time I’ve seen Brother smile like that since Mom was alive.”
            They were happy. They were happy, and she was not. She was unhappy and having to watch them from here, with the one she didn’t want beside her…and close to her.
            But she had nobody else.
            “I’m sure that we’ll be happy like that, right, Noa? Someday?”
            Alfons, you are not here. So I am going to have to find someone else…until I can finally have you as my own someday.
            And that was when she felt her fingers touch Al’s, and their fingers entwine.
            Until then…I’ll stay with him…the one who has been watching me, just like I have been watching you, Alfons. He looks like you…so maybe…I can make do with him for now.  
            …If not only for now.
Tags: alfonsxnoa, alxnoa, edxalfons, fma
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